A Tonga’s Guide to not getting Eated – by Valenoa
Getting eated am a serious problems among tonga todays. Dis book refers to being eated by other peoples not critterthings. There am several reasons that tonga have trouble wif getting eated.
– We am delicious. This am useful during dates but not as usefuls around hungrythings.
– We am very smallandcute and bigandugly things am jealous of that’s.
– Mousies love to wiggle. Dis am verycute too but unfortunatelies makes us goes down easiers.
Thankies to Linleezardshineybutt ((Linthel)) for helping me wif insides informations on thingies to puts in dis bookies and for not eatedings me and fors eateding dat one mans that kept bothering me’s.
There am manythings that yous should watches out fors.
– Trolls cause them eats anythings. While tongas will eats anything except other tongas and friends and stuffs, trolls will eats anythings. This am because their words for ‘cute’, ‘friend’ and ‘delicious’ am all the same so them gets confuseds.
– Leezards can sometimes eat smallthings. Them also has an additional reasons because them can be jealous of our fluffyfur. They eated us hoping to gain our powers of flufficute.
– Ogres can sometimes eated things too. Usually this will follows when them accidentally smushes someones. Then them mistakes them for puddings or applesauces.
– Kittehs can sometimes want to eat mousies cause it am thems instincts. Tries not to acts too cute or likes a mousie arounds them.
*crayon art of a kerra chasing a ratonga with a fork and knife across the commonlands. A speech bubbel reads “Oh noes!” above the ratonga and “Oh yeses!” above the kerra*
Even if yous watches out for these thingies, peoples can still surprises you. Watch out for these warning signs:
– Them keeps droolings on yous.
– Them tries to puts condiments on yous when yous not lookings. Even mores if its when you am lookings.
– Them am hiding split or fork or similar thingies behind backs.
– Them am reading recipe books and looking back and forths between yous and its.
– Yous see them eateding someone else.
– Them keep asking what yous eat. You am what yous eat after alls. It makes you taste differment.
– Them paws at yous or grabs yous tail when yous tries to walk. Them am playing wif food, be carefuls!
Even dates can turns out to be eateders. So ifs an date say you am delicious or them wants to eated yous or takes you homes for dinners make sure them means in goodway.
* crayon art of a drooling troll handing flowers to a suspicious looking ratonga*
There am many ways to avoids getting in this situations to begins wif thoughs.
– Avoids places where eateders congregates. Dis includes places they lives or like swamps and things.
– If you has to go to place that am dangerous, tries to choose a traveling companion that am more delicious than yous. then you can runs when them am being eateden. Frogyloks and fairies make good choices.
– Yous can also travels in large groups or wif verybig peoples to guards yous. If you knows a leezard or kitteh or something that you know will not eated yous (but be sures!) yous could travels wif thems. Then peoples think ‘oh that am their food me not bothers it’.
– Yous can flavors youself wif something badtasting to eateders. Yous may say ‘but then that will be ew!’ but remembers things that am badtasting to trolls and ogres and things am still goodtasting to cutethings. So yous can protects youself and be perfumed for that hot dates tonights too!
– Get stripies. Eateders can no eat things wif stripies cause usually will chokes on thems. If you no have stripies you may considers fur dyes.
– Learns to runfast. Dis helps especiallies if in a groups. Remembers that yous no has to outruns the eateders, just everyone else also running from the eateder.
*crayon image of an iksar gagging up a ratonga, some of their stripes still stuck in their throat.*
But what if you does all these thingies and still gets in a bad situations? How am some ways to get out of its? Sometimes it am depend on who am trying to eated yous.
– There am first the obvious ones that you can stabbies or magics them to deaths. Some good places to hurts them am thems face so them no can eat goods or their happybits cause then they falls over. Cept then they am not really happybits anymores.
– You can trap yous clothings. Most things will tries to take off yous clothings before eateding you, and then the trap springs and you runs away! Running away nakeds am a small price to pays.
– Put lots of sharp thingies in pockets. If they bites you right offs to avoid the traps them will cuts them mouths. Poison candies in yous pockets also works and have other uses.
– Though it will not work on verymean peoples that am jealous of cutes, you can tries the cuteeyes. You can also tries to flirts wif them though this can be dangerous in its own ways.
*crayon art of a ratonga running away from a ogre who has a mouse trap clamped over his lips*
But oh noes! What if yous already got eated? If yous has, then yous better has a light on yous cause otherwise will be hards to reads this. If you was eated whole, yous still has a chance!
– Well if yous has a light and it am fire why you not burning thems instead of reading dis bookies dummys!
– You can stabs them from the insides and tries to cut yous way out. If no weapons, than just try scritchieclaws. Try to poke a hole in the bottoms of their tummy so all the juice flows out into thems.
– You may tries tickles. If yous can tickle them enough them will laugh verymuch and may vomits.
– If still on way down, wrap yous tail around thems tongue and pull it down wif yous. Then they will chokes on it.
– Yous can call homes and teleports. But that only works if yous has lots of concentrations. If you am a veryneatrogue like me’s, you can uses the escapes.
– Summon all the thingies and pets you has. It will fills up thems belly so muches that them will pop!
*crayon art of a ratonga in somethings belly, carefully holding this book up and shining a light on it.*
Even though them am verymean, eateders do has uses sometimes. Sometimes yous can finds one that am yous friend and knows difference between friends and foodstuff, but me cannot stress enoughs that yous must be carefuls. Watch for warning signs listed earlier in dis bookies.
Otherwise thems can serve a number of purposethings.
– Them can eated dates dat yous dided not has goodfun wif or that won’t stops bothering yous.
– Thems can gives you insides informations on hows to escapes.
– Them may gives you neatthings in exchanges for luring other peoples you no likes to dem.
Remembers dat being eated am a constant threats to tongakind and dat we must be constantly vigilants so we am not all eateden.
Me hopes dat dis book helps yous avoids or escapes being eated. If it no does, then goodbyes.
*crayon art of Valenoa laying on a pile of various carnivors with x’s over their eyes*
