It seems like no matter how hard I try, I just can’t get live streaming my gaming sessions to stick. There’s a number of reasons and some things are unavoidable like health problems, and being married to a first responder, being primary caregiver to two high needs kids, and keeping any sort of schedule just sort of flies out the window. I need schedules.
Some of the issues are within my control, but I can’t do anything about them. Things like my energy level, what time I stream, what I stream. It seems like every few years I try to make a dive at it again, manage for a few weeks, and then give it up for whatever reason it is that time around.
I used to write about video games professionally (back when magazines still existed). I used to work for a video game company (You remember Carbine Studios? NCSoft?) and I desperately cling to trying to do and be something besides just ‘mom’. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what I do, but there are many days I feel lost and very alone.
What’s the solution? Well, besides professional help and working on ‘me’ the only real solution is to just keep trying – but trying and growing in different ways that make sense given my situation. What does that even mean?
In my very specific case, that means I’m not going to try to live stream to twitch any more. I am going to try to record and post content to YouTube, on my own schedule, when I can. I can record sporadically throughout the day here and there when I have the moments, and do the audio at night when the house is a bit more quiet. I can learn how to edit, and still scratch that scheduling itch. I also want to continue to grow with my art, and I’ve been posting to Cara and Instagram, and doing a little bit of drawing every day. I’d like to get back on track with my reading journal, and posting updates over on my book blog. I have a lot of FOMO when it comes to streaming. I watch a lot of twitch streamers throughout the day while I do other things. I see their enthusiasm and love for their games and community. I see them get sponsorships, I see them get noticed.
Why write it all out here? Well. I just wanted to get it out, honestly. It was too long to put on Mastodon, and now I can just move forward.
A Pixel Nomad 
I know it’s hard being “the mom”. I’ve definitely had that same feeling were it’s your only identity. But you aren’t alone by any means. You do still have a community.
Also what you are looking for on Twitch you can create on YouTube and like you said on your own schedule. Don’t see this as a set back but rather a new and exciting change in content delivery lol.
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